30 Seconds with Meatloaf

It's hard to come up with a witty comment for this video, so why try. Here's Sarvas singing a Meatloaf/Skrewdriver mash-up. No Auto-tune needed.

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Taking over the web. One blog at a time.

Well kiddies, you can now follow your favorite blog on yet another blog site. That's right, we are now on Tumblr and you can follow us at http://www.youlookridiculous.tumblr.com/.

Slowly but surely ToddBlog is taking over the web...



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Black Robe Society

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It's the hip thing to do

Hey there readers! We here at ToddBlog want to give you the chance to chat with us, so we've set up a formspring. You can find us here at http://formspring.me/ToddBlog . Your questions could be answered by any one of our authors. All answers will be posted here on ToddBlog. So lets get those questions rolling!







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ToddBlog Celebrity Interview

With APP just around the corner we thought it was only right to interview someone who everyone attending this years conference could learn a lesson from. Unfortunately, this individual will not be attending this year, so this is as close as you are going to get. We have set up a great interview for you guys, so sit back with a glass of Kraken and relax, while we proudly present.





BEARDS, BEARS, AND MORE BEARDS: AN INTERVIEW WITH JOHN JOYCE.



We also included a few facts you may or may not have known about John Joyce.



ToddBlog: Ok lets start this off. So John, tell our readers a little about yourself.





John Joyce: Well, my name is John Joyce. I own Scarab Body Arts in Syracuse, NY. I have been piercing for almost 13 years, I'm a scarification artist, and a NY State Licensed Massage Therapist. But everyone knows that stuff, so let's see... I also ride a harley, hunt bears, prefer to be outside, and wouldn't be half the man I am today if Shawn Porter wasn't my life coach.



Did you know? John Joyce built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, John Joyce met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.



ToddBlog: "Life coach" huh? So that's what the kids are calling it these days? Hunting bears and riding Harleys are pretty manly things. Would you be so kind, and tell our readers how one can be so manly and still be one of the nicest people on the planet?

Speaking of which, we did a little research on you before this interview, and we found an interesting little tidbit. Is it true that you once single handily saved 120 children from a burning orphanage?

Did you know? John Joyce has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

John Joyce: Yup, "life coach". Despite what he may say, I find that Shawn is a good person to have on your side in this industry. I am also lucky enough to be able to call him a friend. Most importantly though, he is kind of like my moral compass. hahaha

As far as being so manly and still being one of the nicest people on the planet... Well, I'm going to answer this one a bit more seriously. I was raised by the ultimate manly man. My father is hard working, intelligent, responsible, loyal, humble,and has every quality you could possibly want in another human being. I was taught from a very young age that being a "man" wasn't about acting tough and being an asshole. Being a "man" was about responsibility, to your family, your friends, and yourself. It was about being mentally tough and knowing you can accomplish whatever you want, without acting tough and being a dick to other people. It was about helping other people out when they need it, not taking advantage or other people, and always sticking to your personal ethics and morals. It was about never taking the easy way out of something, and if you're going to do something then do it right and put 100% into it. Knowing when you need help, and not being afraid to ask for it, but try your damn hardest first. Should i go on... haha

These things have stuck with me, and I put those views into everything I do. It's how i run my business, it's how I run my life. I treat people with respect, I work hard, I don't cut corners, and I am loyal to my friends and family. Now to make this a little less serious, I also think it has to do with the music i was brought up on. I grew up listening to Willie Nelson, Led Zeppelin, Motorhead, Johnny Cash, Hank Williams, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Kiss, etc.... Music that kicked ass, talked about working hard, and earning what you have. Today's kids, listen to a bunch of whiny, feel sorry for me bullshit! harden the fuck up already. If you're in your 20's have never had a real job, and still live in your parents basement, you'll probably never be a real man! just sayin...

As for single handily saving 120 children from a burning orphanage... It was actually 147, but who's keeping track. I had to save them to pass my test into manhood. I manned up, sprouted a beard from pure will. Then i pulled a beard hair out, when i did that a single tear ran down my cheek. At that exact moment the heavens opened up and it started to rain. The children were saved.







ToddBlog: Well, we feel it's safe to say that your father should be very proud of your accomplishments. As far as 20 year olds listening to whiny bullshit music, we couldn't agree more. They should definitely "harden the fuck up".

You mentioned that you sprouted a bread from pure will, something like that takes talent. Do you have any other
talents like this you would like to share with our readers?

Did you know? Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat John Joyce. John showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

John Joyce: 2 words for you, cock push ups! yup!!

More importantly though, I seem to have a natural ability to make people around me feel comfortable and calm. It helps a lot as a piercer and as a scarification artists. To be honest it's probably even more relevant with my massage clients.

ToddBlog: Enough cock push ups will make any whiny angst filled teen into a bad ass with enough effort.

Good bed side manner is a definite must to be a quality piercer/scarification artist/rubber downer. Having had at least one of the three performed by you on myself i can say that your bed side manner can definitely put a client at ease (I'm still waiting for my rub down).

We want to touch on a somewhat sensitive subject for you. You mention Shawn Porter being somewhat of a life coach to you, and we know there is a bit more to it than you are letting out. How does Natalie feel about your intimate (and I'm stressing intimate here) relationship with another man? I can't imagine the thought of her future husband having relations with another man which may or may not be taking place on top of a bear skin rug sitting well with her.

Did you know? John Joyce was the fourth Wise man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wise men, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have John omitted from the Bible.

John Joyce: I'd like to elaborate more on this relationship between Shawn and I, but... "we said we weren't gonna talk about Cincinnati ever, okay?"
And that is all i have to say about that. However, as a manly bear hunter, I do happen to keep a bear skin rug handy. You just never know when the situation will call for one.

ToddBlog: Agreed. I for one have found myself in many situations where a bear skin rug would indeed come in handy, but unfortunately i am not manly enough to own one.

It's been great chatting with you John. Thanks for giving us a little insight on the man behind the beard. Are there any last words you would like to share with our readers?



Did you know? They once made a John Joyce toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.



John Joyce: you really should look into the bear skin rug todd. It truly is an essential.

It's been great chatting with you as well. last words, hmmm lets see....
First...
For everyone out there right now that thinks they want to be a piercer, don't do it. that is of course unless you can get an apprenticeship with a well respected piercer in this industry. If you can not, just don't do it, there are enough half ass piercers out there and I'm tired of fixing your mistakes. If you're not sure if the piercer you are thinking about apprenticing under is well respected, send Shawn Porter a message and he'll set you straight.

Second... If you are sitting around right now listening to some depressing emo shit, have never had a real job, still live at home, and use phrases like Fuck My Life on a regular basis, harden the fuck up already! Your self deprecating view on life will get you no where. When i was growing up, it was always "fuck you", it was never "fuck me". I don't know when it became cool for guys in their twenties to still act like teenage shitheads, but it's absolutely not cool. Life is what you make it, if you are going around everyday saying fuck my life then that is what you'll get, a fucked life! Shit or get off the pot already, go do something with yourself.
Third... Whatever you are doing, give 100% and do it right. If you want to be a piercer, be the best damn piercer you can be. Don't decide you're going to be a scarification artist when you are still figuring out the basics of piercing. Don't start doing surgical mods when you can't pierce a navel straight. And maybe most importantly, put some thing other than microdermals and corset piercings in your portfolio.

I could keep going but we'll need a whole other interview just for last rants. haha So let's end this on a more positive note. I'm grateful that I've been able to make a career out of doing what I love. I'm even more grateful that I've been excepted into the cranky old piercers club. To all the young piercers out there, keep up the hard work, do your best, keep learning and progressing, know your limits, and stick to your morals and ethics. Do that, and I'll save an easy chair for you so you can bitch with the rest of us. And with that, my coffee is getting cold, so I'm out!





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Dallas Suscon

Claire and I put this video together hours after returning from the Dallas Suscon. She presented it to her "Body Art & Modification" class with her grade still pending... personally, I think it's A+!



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These girls love Bush!

Here at ToddBlog HQ we love girls of all shapes and sizes, shaved and unshaved. These two lovely ladies are Vyky and Lexi. Some would argue that they could use a dose of happy and a bic, but we beg to differ. We hope to start posting more "Girls of ToddBlog" articles soon, but in the meantime please enjoy these two furry females.

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Celebrity Interview

It's that time again kiddies, time for another Celebrity Interview. This time around we felt the need to chat with one of the industry's newest celebrities, Cooter McStinkjaw! You may have come across Cooter in some of the piercing forums or you may have seen in at a nascar event. Either way we are certain he has managed to offend you in some way or another. Without further ado we bring you :

EHHHHHHHHH: An Evening With Cooter.

ToddBlog: So Cooter, why don't you tell our readers a little about yourself.

Cooter: Name's Cooter, I also go by my christian slave name "Cameron". I've been piercing professionally for 6 years and before that we won't get into it suffice it to say I can't believe some of my colleagues in this hobby take me seriously after how I started piercing...but I was never anything close to the hackdom that was Sarvas...well, probably. But that's history.

ToddBlog: We've been told that you recently started referring to yourself as "old school". Have you noticed and sort of change in you status within the industry from doing so?



Cooter: Now now, let's not get our sources confused. I was bestowed the title of "old school", and this is important because I couldn't even pretend to care to give a flying fuck about that kinda crap. I started running my mouth in Internet forums because piercers are retards and it was just too damn easy, plain and simple. You see body piercers are kinda like some women that like to be abused and tormented. You beat 'em up bit, let them run off and lick their wounds, and wait for them to come back for more (somebody prove me wrong. I fucking dare you!). So guess after a couple years of mentally abusing the meek, I gained sometime of "old school" status. Whoever wants to think that can, but I'm simply a fan of doing things simply and not spending my time kissing asses and swinging on nuts to get to the top of...this, "Turd Mountain".

But to comment on people's perception of me as some sort of authority on what I do, on more than a handful occasions I've been given drinks or brought into the "smoking circle" to have my brain picked, only to walk away from it with a free buzz and the general understanding that I'm just a mean ol' redneck.

ToddBlog: Whether you've swung from nuts or simply kissed ass to get to the top of the "turd mountain" as you've so poetically put it, the fact still remains that you have certainly gotten there. But it's not all glitter and glam at the top is it? More and more "old school" piercers like yourself have found it hard to make a living even at the top. Have you ventured into any of means of income?

Cooter: Mount Olympus is an ugly ugly place. Who'd thunk "old school" smelled like taint and cocaine hangovers?

I sell jewelry. That's what I do. I also offer a service that comes with the jewelry. You like what you sell enough and you'll sell it. Even if I'm not exactly where I want to be, where I am compared to where I was is much better.


ToddBlog: You mentioned before that you have been brought into certain circles and offered some sort of trade for the knowledge you have. Can we anticipate some sort of teaching position for you in this industry? Or is that something you would save until you officially retire?

Cooter: Actually, yes! I'm anticipating on teaching advanced curriculum courses at this year's APP Conference. Of course these courses will not be recognized by the APP as an organization but my classes will be the only classes that take place IN the hot tub. Courses will include "He's just a dude", a class that explains to you that half the assholes in the hotel are nobody special regardless of what the fuck they've done and/or who they've slept with, with special guest speaker Shawn Porter who will inevitably deconstruct my course and have sex with each of the attendees, just to prove a point. "Hey you, with the tits!", a course that explains to my students that sexual harassment at conference is nowhere near as offensive you'd think it should, with special guest speaker Sarvas, who's role is obvious. And finally the "Hey, git me a beer" course, in which I'll have you get me a beer and I'll tell you funny stories, smoke cigarettes, and give my opinions on ego and how it's killing what I do for a living.

ToddBlog: Well we sure hope to be able to sit in on some of those this year in Vegas. As we bring this interview to a close, do you have any closing statements you would like to share with our devoted readers?


Cooter: I'll be sure to have a place for Toddblog's Editor-in-chief to sit in on my classes...right on my mustache. ba-zing!


Final words...hmm. well okay. There seems to be a lot of undue hostility out in the professional piercing world and oddly enough it's coming from people who don't even pierce professionally. So then, my final words, would be to them. Pipe down and/or shut the fuck up already.

That's it. oh and, hail satan.

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Happy New Year to all our loyal followers!

We hope all you boys and girls had fun celebrating saying so long to 2009 and hello to 2010. You can rest assured that we brought in the new year in typical ToddBlog fashion. It was a regular red carpet event at the ToddBlog HQ last night and all your favorite celebs were in attendance. Everything from strippers to wrestling midgets could be seen during any point of the evening, Unfortunately, most of us here at HQ don't really remember much, but we have been piecing the night together bit by bit. The main events that have stood out are priceless to say the least.

Highlights include:

Stephen venturing upstairs with what was thought to be a beautiful young lady, only to return moments later less than amused to find out she was in fact a young Mexican lad named Juan.

Tod Almighty bringing a blindingly drunk Cameron to his room to "tuck him in". Come to think of it, that was the last we saw of Tod as well.

Sarvas deciding he wanted to take on all the midgets in a royal rumble style wrestling match, which didn't end too well for our little man child. But don't worry, he is out of the ER with only a minor concussion and a few broken ribs.

As for now, that's about all we can manage to remember, but we really believe the night was a complete success. We hope you all had a great time last night and took you morning after pills this morning. Stay tuned because we have a lot in store for you in 2010. Now to find the Tylenol...

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We're Baaaaaaaaaack!

We here at ToddBlog HQ were very surprised at the amount of fan mail we received asking us where we had gone. Well all your prayers have been answered! The greatest blog the world has ever seen is back with a vengeance and we are leaving no subject untouched. All we needed was little spray of H20cean and VUALA! Honestly, is there anything that stuff CAN'T fix? Stay tuned for the usual barrage of tasteless antics and general tomfoolery.

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Round Table 2

We here at ToddBlog realize that every once in a while you will get to eavesdrop on a very interesting conversation. We were lucky enough to catch this one, and felt we should share it with our devoted readers. Both Shawn Porter and Stephen Detoma were kind enough to chat with us for this latest entry.

ToddBlog is proud to present:

Flies On The Wall 2: The internet and Body Modification

ToddBlog: We realize that body modification would not be where it is today without the internet. With the help of websites like SPC, BME and social networking tools like IAM the modification community has grown more than anyone could have imagined. What we would like to know is, are there any negative effects the internet has had on the industry?

Shawn: Several months ago I was going to do a class on behalf of the APP on the history of contemporary body piercing.

The last chapter was "BME, SPC, the rise of the Internet and the Death of Body Modification."

Stephen: I think out of our breakfast club, Shawn is probably the only one who has a practical experience with body modification with OUT the internet; I know I started getting pierced and then discovered BME by searching for piercing info online, probably about '98ish or so.

I think just like everything else, there's two sides of the fence. Did the internet make it easier to trade info, find quality artists and research ideas? Sure. Did it create a shitshow of a culture akin to the fucking Tyra Banks show? Absolutely.

If you were to ask if body modification is better or worse due to the internet, you'll find people that are staunch advocates of both opinions and while both will have strong thoughts to back up each of their arguments, you can't declare a winner in that war.

Here's where my brain is headed: I feel like this goes back to the gauging argument. If the use of the term gauging in common speech can change the validity of the use of said word, while people may abhor the internet's influence on bodymod, you have to accept that it's carved out it's own little niche.

Shawn: You just called me old.

You did hit the nail right on the head though, Stephen.... the internet IS the best and worst thing that ever happened to the contemporary body modification scene. (and a million other scenes, I'm sure)

On the one hand, you have immediate access to lifetimes of information just by using a search box. On the other, a good argument can be made that the internet has inspired people who would have normally never done some of these mods to attempt them. Which itself is a double edged sword.

It's funny though... I think it's the youth culture's appropriation of the body mod scene that's had a bigger impact than the internet- the two sort of tie into each other, I guess. You go back and look at the late 1980s and early 1990s copies of PFIQ, Piercing World, Body Art and Tattoo Savage and you start seeing the average age dropping and the piercings going more aesthetic and less sexual.

Once it hit pop culture (I promise I'm not going to mention Paul King in the Aerosmith video) the shift really started happening.

Stephen: You still look good for an old man.

When I was a kid, I wore boots and braces, Fred Perry's and DM's and listened to a lot of ska and Oi! I remember a friend of mine and I were rolling around Boston and talking about the stuff we had seen happen in "the scene" around town and he brought up a really good point: The Scene is a youth cult.

What he meant is, a a certain point, despite the lyrics and slogans saying we would all die with our boots on, ultimately, everyone grows up, grows their hair out and hangs up their boots in favor of a more comfortable pair of shoes. The parallels in that scene and the body mod scene are startling. The major difference is; in both areas, you can spend a bunch of money to look like you belong, but where as growing your hair out is an easy option, trying to remove a tattoo you got on your face when you were 19 to look cool is a little bit harder.

Shawn: And that, for the most part, is what the internet did- make it a scene. Back in the 'dark ages' when we still had to correspond via letters, VHS tapes and the occasional meeting at Jack Yount's house or a tattoo convention or what have you, people were just into what they were into. And usually not much else.

Guys who were into silicone were INTO silicone. The amputees were into amputation. Most folks had tattoos, but just because they had tattoos and not because it was part of a bigger picture. The internet sort of brought everything together.

I used to pay a ridiculous amount of money a year to be a UNIQUE subscriber. Unique was a contact group owned by Ken of "Ball Club Quarterly" magazine. It amounted to nothing more than a few pages of hand typed photocopied personal ads. You usually didn't see much variety in the ads. People with certain mods looking for people with certain mods. After paying the yearly fee to be a member, you'd send other members a stamped letter via Ken (with $1 in cash) and he'd forward it.

The internet made that all unnecessary. You were able to keep up with people for free. Ideas were much more easily exchanged. And thanks to (or curses to) BME, you had a scene begin to form. But when I look back at it I realize that it was a BME scene that was forming, not a body modification scene. Dilution began to happen (which isn't necessarily a bad thing) and all of a sudden there was an aesthetic all it's own.There were t shirts and backpacks and belt buckles and stickers and conventions and a hierarchy of who and what is cool

Stephen: And not to say that all of that is bad: how many SW shirts do I own now? And I don't cut or get cut, I just like the shirts and to support my friends endeavors.

But hell, you don't need to look any further than LA Ink or any other of the "reality" shows out now to see that a subculture is being marketed to everyone with a TV...

Shawn: And with all that said- body modification will survive. After the fads, after the websites and t.v. shows...

Stephen: I don't see why it wouldn't. People will always do things because they feel they need to, not because the feel other people want them to. Not that the other side of the coin doesn't apply as well...

Every wonder why none of those shows ever have anyone that any of us recognize as "legit" on them?

Shawn: Garver had a strong reputation before all that hooey

Stephen: Good point. And I wouldn't say he's lost any respect, near as I can figure..

I guess the more I think about it, we see a lot of our friends in the Nat Geo, Discovery Channel shows, but initially I was thinking, Inked, Miami Ink, LA Ink and all of the World Traveler bullshit: Some button up douchebag traveling on TV's dime to get tattoos from around the world..

I remember seeing a bunch of the guys on The Pickup Artist(?) get taken off to some shop that looked less than reputable just in the short time I watched it. It always amazes me that the lowest quality gets the highest attention..

What was it Sailor Jerry said? Empty drum makes the most noise?

Shawn: "the lowest quality gets the highest attention"...

that explains my luck with the ladies.

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Pfftt, you thought that "blond" you've been talking to all these years was Kristen? Hello, here's your wake-up call.

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I just found these floating around and felt I had to share, because, fuck, they made me laugh..

Have a bitchin' Sunday my peoples.

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"I'll fix *your* little red wagon...." 

Ladies and Gentlemen, The one and only Tod Almighty.

Stay tuned for interviews, roundtable discussions, the return of Todd(blog) from his Mexican vacation and more generaly sillyness.

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ToddBlog * Please note that although we here at ToddBlog appreciate your support, not all submissions will be posted. *

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ToddBlog * Please note that although we here at ToddBlog appreciate your support, not all submissions will be posted. *

Robert Smith?

Salutations ToddBloggers! We all hope you're doing well and hopefully you haven't grown impatient with us as we sleep off the effects of the long weekend.

What better way to rub the sleep from your eyes and sweat the rum out of your system than with a nice picture of a pretty girl wearing a t-shirt promoting our Editor-In-Chief's business? We here at ToddBlog don't think any better way exists, so here goes.




This image is of the lovely Atilla and comes to us via Ms. Jessie Campbell of Bella Gore Photography. We can't say that either ladies could have done a sexier job...well...we could, but what happens behind closed doors...

Stay tuned ToddBlog, we'll be in the lab working on new stories and breaking news for all our loyal readers to enjoy.



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Cool Stuff That Happens To Female Piercers

The submissions just keep coming in. This one come to us from Erika Gomez. Erica writes:

"Hi,
This is Erika from Chicago. I thought I would share with you gentlemen some of the joys of being female piercer. Last night I did a 4g PA and a 6g guiche on a guy who drove all the way from Tennessee to get pierced by me. He was cool and we had a good little rapport going. Also, he had a stunning mullet.
Now, my cell number is on our aftercare sheets so that a client freaking out about her nostril piercing can call. I stress to everyone, as do Micah and Sarvas, to call with concerns, questions, etc, just dont call pasts midnight because I'll either be drunk or sleeping! When I told my client last night, he cracked a joke about "not giving my number out to weirdos." He, Micah and I all had a good laugh and he paid me and left. This morning I had the pleasure of waking up to a text with the attached picture. Inappropriate! and funny. If you can use it on Toddblog, please do.
Erika"

Well, we certainly can use this. We agree that although incredibly inappropriate, this is just down right hilarious. We found it necessary to share Erica's unfortunate findings with all of you. So enjoy.

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You Want Me To Put My Balls WHERE?!

Pucker up Buttercup.

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Alright ToddBloggers, 200 scene points to the first person to identify the slapchop that Vince is holding up. If you were in Vegas, your vote doesn't count.

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"Oh my god! Why the fuck would you post that!?"

STFU, Crybaby.

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