It's that time again kiddies, time for another Celebrity Interview. This time around we felt the need to chat with one of the industry's newest celebrities, Cooter McStinkjaw! You may have come across Cooter in some of the piercing forums or you may have seen in at a nascar event. Either way we are certain he has managed to offend you in some way or another. Without further ado we bring you :
EHHHHHHHHH: An Evening With Cooter.
ToddBlog: So Cooter, why don't you tell our readers a little about yourself.
Cooter: Name's Cooter, I also go by my christian slave name "Cameron". I've been piercing professionally for 6 years and before that we won't get into it suffice it to say I can't believe some of my colleagues in this hobby take me seriously after how I started piercing...but I was never anything close to the hackdom that was Sarvas...well, probably. But that's history.
ToddBlog: We've been told that you recently started referring to yourself as "old school". Have you noticed and sort of change in you status within the industry from doing so?
Cooter: Now now, let's not get our sources confused. I was bestowed the title of "old school", and this is important because I couldn't even pretend to care to give a flying fuck about that kinda crap. I started running my mouth in Internet forums because piercers are retards and it was just too damn easy, plain and simple. You see body piercers are kinda like some women that like to be abused and tormented. You beat 'em up bit, let them run off and lick their wounds, and wait for them to come back for more (somebody prove me wrong. I fucking dare you!). So guess after a couple years of mentally abusing the meek, I gained sometime of "old school" status. Whoever wants to think that can, but I'm simply a fan of doing things simply and not spending my time kissing asses and swinging on nuts to get to the top of...this, "Turd Mountain".
But to comment on people's perception of me as some sort of authority on what I do, on more than a handful occasions I've been given drinks or brought into the "smoking circle" to have my brain picked, only to walk away from it with a free buzz and the general understanding that I'm just a mean ol' redneck.
ToddBlog: Whether you've swung from nuts or simply kissed ass to get to the top of the "turd mountain" as you've so poetically put it, the fact still remains that you have certainly gotten there. But it's not all glitter and glam at the top is it? More and more "old school" piercers like yourself have found it hard to make a living even at the top. Have you ventured into any of means of income?
Cooter: Mount Olympus is an ugly ugly place. Who'd thunk "old school" smelled like taint and cocaine hangovers?
I sell jewelry. That's what I do. I also offer a service that comes with the jewelry. You like what you sell enough and you'll sell it. Even if I'm not exactly where I want to be, where I am compared to where I was is much better.
ToddBlog: You mentioned before that you have been brought into certain circles and offered some sort of trade for the knowledge you have. Can we anticipate some sort of teaching position for you in this industry? Or is that something you would save until you officially retire?
Cooter: Actually, yes! I'm anticipating on teaching advanced curriculum courses at this year's APP Conference. Of course these courses will not be recognized by the APP as an organization but my classes will be the only classes that take place IN the hot tub. Courses will include "He's just a dude", a class that explains to you that half the assholes in the hotel are nobody special regardless of what the fuck they've done and/or who they've slept with, with special guest speaker Shawn Porter who will inevitably deconstruct my course and have sex with each of the attendees, just to prove a point. "Hey you, with the tits!", a course that explains to my students that sexual harassment at conference is nowhere near as offensive you'd think it should, with special guest speaker Sarvas, who's role is obvious. And finally the "Hey, git me a beer" course, in which I'll have you get me a beer and I'll tell you funny stories, smoke cigarettes, and give my opinions on ego and how it's killing what I do for a living.
Cooter: I'll be sure to have a place for Toddblog's Editor-in-chief to sit in on my classes...right on my mustache. ba-zing!
Final words...hmm. well okay. There seems to be a lot of undue hostility out in the professional piercing world and oddly enough it's coming from people who don't even pierce professionally. So then, my final words, would be to them. Pipe down and/or shut the fuck up already.
That's it. oh and, hail satan.
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The rules of "Old School" these days are pretty simple; say it enough and eventually it'll be true. Because the people who can contridict you are fewer and further between.
ReplyDeleteCooter isn't oldschool, but he's a good old boy.